And What Needs to Change!

If you’re a high-achieving woman who’s done a lot of personal development work … and yet still you feel self-doubt creeping in when you speak up, make big decisions or consider changing direction, here’s what you need to know:

It’s not you. It’s the system.

Let’s break this down: For years, women have been told they simply need to “believe in themselves more.” and have more confidence. And many do.

They read the books, attend the workshops, hire the coaches, and rewire their inner critic.
And yes, transforming those deep-rooted limiting self-beliefs and fears is essential.

But there’s a missing piece that most confidence advice ignores:

Confidence doesn’t operate the same way for women as it does for men.

In their groundbreaking book Confidence Culture, researchers Rosalind Gill and Shani Orgad found that:

• Women are flooded with messages telling them to “fix themselves” through confidence, beauty and mindset — placing the burden of change on the individual rather than addressing systemic bias.
  
• Even when women do become more confident, they often face backlash for expressing it. They’re seen as “too much”, “too ambitious” or “intimidating.”

Another study from RMIT University, Melbourne found that:

Boosting women’s confidence had zero effect on how others perceived their competence.

Let that land!

You can feel more confident — and still not be seen as competent.
You can recreate your inner beliefs — and still be undermined by invisible bias.

This doesn’t mean your personal development work is wasted — it’s the foundation you need.

But what does this mean in our professional world today?

1. It means that we need to be stronger in ourselves and more determined than ever … in our feminine power.
2. It means we need to stop gaslighting women into thinking they’re the problem when they still struggle.
3. The cultural messages we absorb — about how women should behave — are deeply embedded, and they don’t disappear just because you “change your mindset.”

Confidence for women isn’t just a mindset challenge – it’s a cultural tightrope.

You have to navigate:

• Internal narratives and beliefs shaped by generations of self-doubt and self-sacrifice
  
• External systems that reward you for being nice, quiet and agreeable — but punish you when you’re assertive, bold or direct
  

OMG, this is my experience too. I was made redundant 5 times in my corporate career … for being too outspoken and too direct. That drastically reduced my confidence. 

So yes — transforming your subconscious beliefs is powerful and necessary. It’s where true personal freedom begins. Without doing that it is so easy to accept the feedback that there is something wrong with us. But there isn’t … not at all.

But don’t beat yourself up if your own growth is not the magic bullet to the success you desire.

We need to hold space for both truths: 

✅ Inner work is critical and essential
✅ Cultural change is still needed in our professional world

And while we are creating that change, we increase our resilience, self-trust and feminine power from the inside out.

We’re no longer waiting for permission to own our voice, our desires or our next chapter.